(no subject)

My mother is dead. My feelings are complex. And I'm coming out of numbness now.

I hurt. She knew she was dying. And didn't notify me. Didn't have my half sister tell me.

One final fuck you from a woman who told me she wished she'd had an abortion.

I can't say I'll miss her as much as I can say I miss the possibility that she'd change. Regret her abuse of me and love me like she loved my younger sister.

I miss the mom I only had a few times who rocked me and called me baby mouse.